If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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