my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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