I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
