I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
