i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
