Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
