you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
