if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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