i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
