fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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