Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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