I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
