He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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