My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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