Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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