I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
