well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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