Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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