When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
