so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
