I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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