It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
