she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
