he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
