they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
