If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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