Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
