if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
