If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
