I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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