Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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