Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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