sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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