someone get that fucking seahorse.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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