I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
