I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
