Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
