I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
