i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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