Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
