I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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