Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
