Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
