It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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