Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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