I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we're making bets on your personal life
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
