I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
