God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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