When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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