Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
