Say something about gay babies.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I take back everything I said about communal showers
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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