Betty ford says i'm here all night
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
