Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
