Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
