how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
