my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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