**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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