So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
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I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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