My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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