yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
