I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
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i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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