two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
