The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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