these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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