feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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