i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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