Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
